


polished remains

by sarahshelena



Category: Hunger Games Trilogy - Suzanne Collins
Genre: F/F, Mockingjay Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-24
Updated: 2012-09-24
Packaged: 2017-11-14 23:23:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 906
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/520582
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sarahshelena/pseuds/sarahshelena
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She's not Effie. This is not the woman I grew used to having knock on my door to wake me up, to chide me endlessly about my lack of manners and where my hemline should never rise above, the woman who always seemed to soften instead of bristle at my temper, who always greeted me with a smile, and a kiss on my cheek. This is not the woman I fell in love with.</p>
            </blockquote>





	polished remains

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I do hate repeating myself. I own nothing but the fic.

" _In the bedroom, I find another surprise. Sitting upright in a chair. Polished from her metallic gold wig to her patent leather high heels, gripping a clipboard. Remarkably unchanged except for the vacant look in her eyes."_ _ **– Mockingjay,**_ Chapter 25

"Effie," I breathe, and my tone breaks from its intended whisper, sending my voice into a deep, harsh warble.

She stands and smoothes down her skirt with thin, trembling fingers. Her sweet, sunken face breaks into a smile, "Hello, Katniss." she kisses me on the cheek, beaming, looking both overjoyed and terrified. She's trying so hard to keep the smile on her face it seems it will break. Or _she_ will.

"Well!" she trills, shattering the silence, "Looks like we've got a big, big, big day ahead of us! We'd better get you spruced up, dear." She talks on, wondering aloud where Cinna could be, I try not to flinch as I realise she must have forgotten. Maybe no one told her. It had become an unspoken rule between _us all_ (I swallow down my feeling of nostalgia) that Effie not be told of the horrors that went on around us while her back was turned. It hits me that maybe it could have saved or helped her in some way if she _had_ known. It was almost a crime, though, to end her blissful ignorance. To stop her smiling. Now it was _all_ I wanted. Effie to take off that smile, that painful, petrified smile that almost hid those horrors that lived behind the painted lips and pearly teeth. _Almost._

Before long her voice goes out like a candle, but her smile remains.

She's looking to me for some sort of answer. I nod. It's all I can do to keep from crying. But I reach out. Touch her arm. My hand is shaking, I notice. She does not flinch, as I thought she might, she simply freezes, staring down somewhere between my throat and my shoulder. Behind all this, I'm desperately trying to find the last remainders of her, of my friend.

My fingers on her skin begin to tremble as she does. I move my hands over Effie, as lovingly as I used to, hoping that this isn't what I think it is and hoping she'll respond. She does not move as my hands find what I never would have expected in all of my nightmares. I place my other hand on her waist, as gently as I can, and the silk gives way under my palm. I can feel padding under the fabric. A sick feeling rises in my stomach. As my hand moves silently around her waist, over her hips, I find padding, filling in the hollows beneath her ribcage and over her stomach. Brushing my fingers up her sides, I find her chest has been filled in too. Pressing my fingers down ever so slightly, I can feel sharp ridges beneath my fingertips. She's thin, so thin, too thin. Too horribly, horribly thin, like they've stripped away everything of Effie, stuffed her and made her into a puppet. I bite harshly into the inside of my cheek, but that doesn't stop the hollow rage that I know there's no use in feeling.

I try not to think about it, about how long it has been. It has been months. Months and months and months, so many months separating now from our last meeting before the Quarter Quell _when I made her cry_. Our last embrace.

Our last kiss.

I stretch up and balance on my toes to press my lips to hers, one hand still clutching her arm, feeling how frail it is. She's soft and sweet under my lips and trembling beneath my hands, but she's not Effie. This is not the woman I grew used to having knock on my door to wake me up, to chide me endlessly about my lack of manners and where my hemline should never rise above, the woman who always seemed to soften instead of bristle at my temper, who always greeted me with a smile, and a kiss on my cheek. Kisses that became more than kisses, kisses that grew into more than shades of lipstick on my teeth. This is not the woman I fell in love with.

I can taste desperation in my mouth now, and blood. Maybe the two go hand in hand.

I break the kiss, a soft sound from our lips as I pull back to look at her. She blinks her glassy eyes, staring at the floor. My face twists in a pain I have felt only once before. Loss, loss when that person is still there but completely beyond your reach. My mother had found her way back eventually. But I'd given up on her and I know that I'll never let myself need her again. But Effie I _need_. She was my friend when I had none. She was so ridiculously not who I thought I needed, she was everything. She was _my_ hope. She was _my_ mockingjay.

 _This_ , this is not Effie. This beautiful, hollow, fearfully fragile shell is not Effie. The rouge that is supposed to be colour in her cheeks is a lie. The padding over her ravaged form. The heavily fringed eyelashes that frame her empty stare, the lipstick painted over cracked lips.

A broken doll.

" _We've no idea what happened to Effie Trinket."_

 _Neither do I,_ I think.


End file.
